I Wrote A Book
by SlytherinSociopath
Summary: Because boys like won't leave me alone, I wrote a trashy book on getting your man for Turtle Princess. [A/N: Based on Gotcha! Season 4 Episode 12, watch it first then read it. Reviews and follows would be much appreciated!]
1. Prologue

Hi everyone, Lumpy Space Princess here.

Like, I know I was going to write a trashy book on how my lumps are so totally hot, and like no guy could resist me for Turtle Princess (Hey Guurrll!) but I decided to write a book on inner beauty, because that's the more important thing. (Well, in _Finn's _case anyway!)

So yeah. Like, totally read this book if you are into this sorta stuff.

And don't come bothering me about my freaking LLUUMMPSSS!


	2. Chapter One: How To Look Good

Firstly, I just, like, wanna say, like what I said in my prologue, if you aren't here to read my book, then _go away! _I don't want you near me, because, like, boys are so _obsessed_ with me. And, if you're like, the Turtle Princess, then because you've had like, no boys liking you, then you've gotta read this book, because its like, so totally awesome.

So a few hours ago I was at Finn and Jake's house, and I went undercover to see if I could seduce Finn with my lumps. I said I wanted to be their secretary, so I could, like, spy on them and write about how Finn was totally in love with me. So I called Turtle Princess, took out my typewriter, my binder and fruit pies, and I was totally ready.

So, basically, if you wanna seduce your man, then you gotta make yourself _look _good on the outside, not the inside, because thats what guys look for in a girl. For my personal style, I took a totally hot Squeeze-E-Mart uniform and put fruit juice all over my lips to make them look super luscious. And girls, if you wanna look super hot, you gotta toy with your man. Thats what I did. Simply slip a shoulder strap innocently and he'll be _all_ over you.

Also, it really helps to look alluring, too, whatever that means. You gotta have the like, _mysterious _look. I remember when me and Melissa went up to make out point and like, totally made out with some hot boys. They totally liked us because we looked _hot. (_This was when I met Brad, too)

Next, you gotta learn how to speak. You gotta be soft and totally have like, a hot voice, if you know what I mean. If you don't, then get the hell outta here, because it just _means what it means!_ You have to be all like, quiet and hot, and they will totally here everything you say. If they don't, they are like, totally _not _into you. So deal with it. Not everyone can be like me.


	3. Chapter Two: The Date

Like, pretty much straight after I became Finn and Jake's secretary, Finn like, totally took my out on the most _amazing _date ever. I wore my Squeeze-E-Mart dress but I left the lipstick, but I kept it like, in my back pocket in case I needed it later (wink, wink!). So basically, he practically swept me off my feet by creating this really nice date for me. The first downside, though, was like, he was probably only doing it because PB told him to.

Anyway, me, Finn and Jake climbed this hill, and I didn't have to carry _any _pebbles, because, like, Finn made Jake carry them. Finn is so chivalrous, whatever that means. When Finn started throwing the pebbles into the water, I decided to show off my hot body by slipping a shoulder strap, which I mentioned in Chapter One (make him want you, girl!) but he was busy being, like, a total hero and he didn't notice. I think I noticed Jake take a sneaky sideways glance, though. Boys love me _so much. _

When we got inside, Finn still totally didn't notice me, so I like, needed to make a big move. It could've been a big hit or a big mistake. I whipped off my top and swung it round provocatively, so he could see my lumps. I think he was interested.

There was like, this mirror he was staring into, though. Finn must've thought I couldn't see him staring at my lumps. Then I realised he was trying to _destroy _the mirror, and so I thought of a like, totally brilliant idea. I became a damsel in distress and went _through _the mirror. He was like, totally gonna save me.

I remember going through the portal. Then I was like, _surrounded _by mirrors. I know Finn said don't look, but a girls gotta touch up her make up, you know what I mean girls? Then I saw Finn. His body was like, almost as hot as my lumps. His shirt was off and his hair was blowing elegantly in his face. I was totally amazed, but I didn't know he wanted to go _that _far with me, if you know what I mean! I backed away, because I didn't want to do that but he reached towards me and his hand turned black, and rapidly like, the whole body went black even his beautiful hair, and then the _real _Finn smashed through the glass with Jake and they saved me from him. But to be honest, though, the demon Finn was like _soo _much hotter than the real one! But then something weird happened, Finn called me beautiful! On the _inside. _And I realised what he meant. But that was nothing compared to my next realization. Are you ready for it. The realization. It's coming up in the next chapter.


	4. Chapter Three: Realisation

I never realised it was Finn who was hot all along. Finn ... was the one who was HOT. I know, right. Finn? I mean, Finn ... Finn! Finn? He was pretty nice to me. And he saved me from the even hotter shadow guy versions of himself. I don't know how it happened.

Usually, I'm super observant about these kind of things. Like that one time Melissa's lump was all crooked when she like, came back from the bathroom. I observed that. I observed all day and I didn't say anything. She must have been so embarrassed for herself. What-ever. 'Cause that's what you deserve when you PO LSP. Ha. Oh, she knows what she did ... No, I'm not going to tell you.

After all, a girl's got to have some mysteries.

Anyway, I'll talk to you later, book. To recap, Finn is the one who is hot. I'll see you in the next chapter. INNER BEAUTY."


	5. Chapter Four: Inner Beauty

So, like, hi. This is my final chapter of my book, because I've done four whole chapters and I am getting bored already. So Turtle Princess, if you're, like, reading this right now, then you'd better be thanking me soon for this book, okay?

Oh, right. Back to the topic. Inner Beauty, or whatever. When I was with Finn, he told me I was beautiful on the inside, and at first I was like, what-ever, its not like I haven't heard that one before. And then I realised that he was right, I _was. _It's like Finn saw, like, _inside of me. _He saw who I was, for real. And thats how I wanted to end my book. Girls, you gotta have the look, the style and the talk, but the final point is letting your man see who you really _are. _Because you are beautiful how you are on the inside, _okay girls? _

LSP

-Oh, and BTW, mainly its how you look on the outside. Girl, you aren't gonna find your man looking like roadkill! Come on. And finally, be sure to catch up on my brand new TV show, 'These Lumps' where I will be giving people makeovers! Not like they'd ever look like me. Some girls would kill to have my hot lumps. What-ever.


End file.
